I'm baaack :)

Sorry it's been so long that I've written anything. Do I have lots to talk about? Eh, I mean I could probably cram a bunch of shit in here, but I don't feel like it and I'm sure no one would care to read it.

Today was my first day back to school from Spring Break. Three letters:

W
T
F

I'm so ready to be done with this garbage. It's remarkable how 7 hours can feel like an eternity. But all in all, today turned out to be a good day because Melisse has decided to go to FSU with me! :D

Also, I had a job interview today and it turns out that by next week I'll be an employed worker for Joanne's Fabrics. :D

So I think that today, I won.

Sober Diet

So, last night was a fucking lame ass night. It was Jon's birthday and it was just completely shitty. So it was agreed upon that tonight would have to be really, really fun to make up for it. It was quite eventful.

I started the day off with a nice lunch at Panera Bread with Melisse and Isabella, and then we went to the mall with Adam and James so that we could take them shopping, and fix their clothes (you know, give them clothes that fit... and have colors). So we did that and then we went to Melisse's house, where I taught Adam how to put contacts in. Then, we started the party when Jon, Brett, Isabella, and James arrived with Rum and Vodka after they'd all gotten high. (I don't know if I've mentioned before but I don't drink or do drugs) So everyone's drinking and having a good time, and then Brett and Adam want to go to Wendy's so I drive them there. They get their food, Brett drinks a cup of Buffalo sauce. Gross.

We head back and Melisse's wasted out of her mind. Her friend's Erica and Nate had come, and they were sober too. Then Melisse got a text from her mom that said she was going to be there soon so Erica, Nate and I cleaned everything up and we decided we'd get everyone to the golf course in Melisse's community. Before we do that Melisse had to pee. I had to help her. I saw her vagina. I don't think she realized though, because she wasn't embarrassed. Her vagina seemed like it was blushing though so who knows.

We get everyone to the golf course. Melisse gets a few texts from her mom about how she's in trouble and needs to come home but Melisse is too drunk so we decide to stop by Walmart and get her some food and water. Not really helpful, and just kind of spat mush all over my car. We drive around a bit trying to sober her up. She vomits and gets sober. I take her home and she seems okay to get in bed.

I pick everyone up from the golf course and they want food so we go to McDonald's. I try to get everyone to put their seat belts on and Adam gets mad at me and starts telling me off. I let him finish and then I give him a few verbal bitch slaps. He stays quiet for a bit and then apologizes.

I get their McDonald's and then drop them off at Isabella's house. I go home and go:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Bright side? I've discovered that by not drinking, cleaning up after your friends, carrying them the mile between a golf course and someone's house multiple times, and being the only voice of logic probably burns a lot of calories. I think I'm going to market it. Sober Diet.

For an idea of how drunk Isabella is now, here's what she just IMed me:

xxxxx (1:05:49 AM): jsut because I typoed doewsnt make me drunk
xxxxx (1:05:57 AM): I havenb't been typoing until now ;_;
xxxxx (1:06:02 AM): *haven't
xxxxx (1:06:11 AM): *doesn't

I'm a Winner!

Not in Scholastic or anything as fabulous as that. Nor do I win any money. Whatever, last week I got a Superintendant's award. I'm not really sure what that is, but it was cool, I got a plaque and everything.

Side note: There's this kid Fraser as my school, who's gay, and is kind of cute, and funny. I was kind of interested in him for a bit but I got over it. Anyway, I ran into Fraser's mother and introduced myself, and she said that Fraser had told her a lot about me. Hm.

On Friday I went to Isabella's father's wedding. It was kind of awkward but it was cool. Isabella was a bridesmaid and I kept on making faces at her during the vows, hoping she would laugh. Whenever someone brought up 'true love' I would hold up a dollar bill and she would giggle a bit.

The rest of the weekend was pretty cool, there was a carnival in town. You know what's weird? Carnies.

This week has been kind of lame, but it's almost Friday, which means it's almost Jon's birthday. And Melisse's parents aren't going to be home this weekend so it looks like we have a place to party... and bullshit... and party... and bullshit....

Winner

So last Thursday my friend Melisse was named as a winner of the Scholastic Art and Writing Competition (that contest I was talking about earlier). For those that don't know, it's kind of the biggest competition in art for people our ages. She and I both one Gold Keys (highest honor) at the local level, and then they go on to be judged in New York at the national level. They chose two photography portfolios to be given Gold Keys at the national level, and hers was chosen as number one. For this she gets:
-10,000 dollars
-A free trip to New York to do workshops and meet other artists
-Her work displayed in Carnegie Hall

It's amazing, that she received such an award, and I'm really proud (jealous) of her.

When I told my mother the news her exact words were: "Oh that's great! I guess you didn't win then..." Good ol' mom, boosting the confidence daily. :)

I was robbed!

Today people found out whether or not they won a senior superlative (Best Smile, Most Attractive, Biggest Slut, etc). I was up for Most Artistic and the given, Best Dressed. Since Freshman year I've payed close attention to what I've worn, and I can honestly say I've never "scrubbed" to school or really anywhere for that matter. I don't even own sweatpants. I wear a tie everyday. I wear shoes a size to tight. I haven't worn blue jeans in about a year.

Well, I was voted Most Artistic, and that was nice because I didn't expect to actually get it. I didn't, however, win Best Dressed. I kind of figured I wouldn't though. I got the feeling that the Universe was planning some cosmic irony, and it's all kind of a popularity contest. While I'm a well known guy and well enough liked, I'm not really popular.

Oh well, I guess I'm not bothered really. As someone reminded me "We'll all know who the real best dressed is." Whateva, whateva. I guess I'll go get those sweatpants now... (No, no, no. Never. Ever.)

I am Poor

Okay, I'm not poor. I'll explain in a bit.

Friday I didn't do much. I went to Steak N' Shake with Isabella, Melisse, Adam, and James. Jon, Brett, and this other kid named Josh came too and they were all high from pot brownies. So basically they acted ridiculous and we all ate. Then we all made plans to go to Jon's house, but I decided not to go. I've had a shit load of homework to do this week so I figured I'd probably better get it done over the weekend. And, Jon and his friends are kind of lame when they're high, so I told Adam this and to tell them I was busy and that I'd just see them later. When I got home I got a text from Adam that read:

Josh you were totally right. They being completely retarded right now and not the fun kind of retarded.

Josh is always right :)

Anyway, Saturday was much more exciting. Melisse and I were supposed to go to Boca with my friend Stephanie because she got invited to a party. To put it frankly (which I love doing) Stephanie is ghetto and Melisse and I are very much not. Regardless, I wanted very much to go to Stephanie's party. She told me at the last party she went to some guys were playing beer pong, and then a crew of guys came in, shoved everything off the table and started doing lines of coke. That's something that I feel I need to see. (For the record, I don't do/have never done drugs, nor have I ever drank or been drunk, or even smoked cigarettes) Melisse then informed me that we were invited to a party at our friend Kayleigh's house. So we decided to both.

We got to Kayleigh's and Melisse says to me: "I'm getting drunk. For real." She then proceeded to down in the course of the night two glasses of wine with orange juice, one glass of just wine, two bud lights, and then drank some wine out of the bottle. That's my girl.

Eventually we left Kayleigh's and went to go get Stephanie and meet up with her short friend Marco. Melisse, by this time drunk, declared "This is a midget's house!" upon entering his home. We then drove all the way to Boca to find out the party had been moved. Instead of trying to find out where it had been moved to we decided to just go back to Kayleigh's house.

We got back and Kayleigh was drunk off of her ass. She kept on falling over and screaming. So I kind of walked around taking care of her and Melisse (for example, having to fight a broom away from Kayleigh to sweep up glass from a bottle that Melisse broke), but I didn't really mind. I kept on trying to make sure Melisse would eat, but she refused to eat anything that wasn't healthy. When I tried to get her to eat pizza she said "I'm an ADULT! I don't eat pizza! ONLY HEALTHY FOOD!" so I had to give her carrots. I called Isabella and Adam and got them to come over.

When they arrived they looked at Melisse and Isabella asks "Is Melisse really drunk?" Melisse then proceeded to spit out carrots. By this time, I had also decided it was a good idea to put Kayleigh's weave on my scalp. I looked great, haha ;D. Eventually Melisse started spitting water on herself and went to sleep.

When Adam came over he awkwardly started chatting up this girl he likes, named Missy. She and Isabella convinced him to get drunk, which was fun because he never drinks. He got slightly tipsy. I made sure that Adam asked Missy to hang out with us tomorrow that way he could hang out with her on Valentine's Day.

Sunday, was Valentine's Day and Adam had made plans with Missy to hang out with us at the mall. So Adam texts everyone trying to get them to come to the mall but James and I were the only one's who showed up. So we went to go visit her at work, and convinced her to come hang out with us later.

Then James, Adam and I went to go get something to eat and James asked the question. Every gay guy, at some point, gets asked by his straight friends about their sex life, they're just always a little bit curious.

"Josh... this is gonna' sound really awkward..."

"I'm sure it won't."

"Um... so like are you a giver or a receiver?"

It was kind of cute I guess. Out of my friends I'm actually the only non-virgin, which is kind of cool, I guess? Maybe? I don't know, it doesn't really matter at all.

I ended up taking Melisse out to Falafel Bistro (a Mediterranean place), for dinner for Valentine's Day because we agreed to go on a date. She's an ADULT who only eats HEALTHY so instead of chocolate I brought her a fruit bowl and some bubbles. We had a nice dinner and I told her about all the funny stuff she did when she was drunk because she didn't remember any of it.

Today, I didn't have school because of President's Day. James invited us to go to his private beach resort in Boca (James is a millionaire) so Isabella, Adam, Melisse, and I all went with him. This is when I came to the realization that I am poor.


(Melisse and I, being poor).

It was a really, really, really nice beach resort. However, rich people who live on the beach tend to be fat and have leathery skin, so I guess I'd rather be attractive and young than rich? Eh. The resort had all sorts of things like little beach attendants, and $16 water and croquet and I don't even know.

When we decided to get lunch our bill was $130. That's ridiculous. The food, however, was delicious. We also noticed on the menu that there was ice cream worth $1000. Who pays $1000 for ice cream? Did I mention that the ice cream had on it edible 24kt gold leaf. Yes, apparently people who are rich enough actually eat gold. I, am poor.

All in all though, it was a really fun weekend and I hope next week turns out to be just as good. I'm sure this post is a mile long. Whateva, whateva.

There is No Coming Out Story

Today, a kid in my school, who I'm kind of friends with, got kicked out of his house for being gay. He'd been outed by his brother to his parents, and they just aren't supportive. It reminded me a little bit of how I'd been outed to my parents. They never kicked me out but sometimes I wish they had.

I came to the conclusion that I was gay when I was twelve. I'd always known that I'd liked guys, and I knew that being gay meant you liked guys but I just never thought that I could be gay. Gay was a word that my friends and I used to describe things we didn't like, so in my little head I obviously couldn't be gay.

However, when I was twelve I put two and two together and came to the realization that I was gay. After a little while, I decided that I could tell my two best friends. I told them in school during one period. Well by the next period people were calling my gay and giving me strange looks. It turns out that one of my 'friends', Kyle, had taken the liberty of telling his whole class the next period.

Despite my attempt to fight the rumors, everybody knew anyway. Except for my family. Foolishly enough, I came out to my sister. Immediately she told my parents. Then I had to have a talk with them about how I couldn't be gay, and how it says in the bible that homosexuality isn't allowed. (My parents aren't religious. My mother is Jewish too. I don't know why they even brought it up). Then my brother over heard me talking to my then boyfriend a few weeks later and went and told my parents. And once again I had to have the same talk. After that my parents and I just fought for years and didn't get along. It was around these times that I began to with that they would just kick me out, or even hit me so that I could call Child Protective Services and get out of there. They were never, ever physically abusive and in their defense they didn't know how to deal with the situation, but the emotional toil they put me through was difficult, so much so that now I don't really have very many emotions today.

By the time I was fourteen I had come to terms with it, and by then I would tell most people that I was gay if I was comfortable enough, the exception being family members. However, around the time I started high school my family had become well enough acquainted with the idea. We don't talk about it, but instead of saying "when you get married to a girl," they say "when you get married to a person," which is progress I guess. My mother is the only one who's still rooting for team straight (she asks me if I get girls' numbers -__-). My brother is the only one who's outright said that I was gay, which I guess is pretty cool. And in terms of other people, everyone can figure that I'm gay. And if they can't I correct them.

When it comes down to it, I think my parents would rather I engage in multiple sex partners at once than be gay. I remember once, my friends Carla and Isabella were in my room with me, and my mother was coming in to ask Carla something. We heard whispering to my mother though, saying "Make sure you knock first, just in case."

Just in case what? Just in case I was having sex with both Carla and Isabella? So yeah, progress is a slow thing.

Anyway, the point of this was to say that I don't have a big coming out story. I know a lot of gay blogs have one, or are about guys in the closet or something of that sort; I don't have that to offer. There was never some great epiphanous moment where I told my parents and we hugged and they said they accept me blah, blah, blah. Maybe one day, but probably not.

In other, way, way, way terrible news Alexander McQueen died. He was a really esteemed and important British designer; one of my favorites. Here's a video of one of my favorite collections of all time:



R.I.P.