History.

I've always known I was adopted. From a very young age I could tell. My parents and my siblings are all in love with sports, I hate sports. I'm artistic, my family isn't. I can sign tolerably well, my family isn't allowed to sing 'Happy Birthday.' I'm also much smarter than my family.

Also, I'm black and they're white.

Well, actually, I'm half black and half white. What happened, is my parents had two children naturally, and then they wanted to adopt. That's where I came in:

My birth mother and birth father were having an adulterous affair, and then she got pregnant with me. She couldn't keep me because she already had four other sons (slut ;D), and he couldn't keep me because he didn't want his wife to know about the affair. So I was put on the market and I was adopted, and ever since one day old I've been living with the family I have now.

Perhaps it's possible that my status as an outsider stems from the fact that I've been different from my whole family at birth (obviously there are a few other things aside from the fact that I'm half black, and adopted that make me an outsider, but for now I'll stick to this topic).

My parents have no black friends, nor do my siblings. They're not obviously not against black people or anything, they just don't have any friends who aren't white. It's always amusing when I point this out to my parents, because they get really upset. I think that they try very hard to be socially acceptable.

I remember one time my mother was flipping through a magazine and she goes "Joshua, there are no black people in this magazine!" I hadn't noticed, but I guess there's some sort of buzzer in her head when the media doesn't represent the racial percentages of the country correctly. Who knows?

What's strange though, is that living my entire life around white people, I forget a lot of the time that I'm not white. For example, in my government class when I read about how different races vote and the different statistics, I always group myself with the white people, and have to go back and remind myself. It's not just me though, I've had whole conversations with people and then they stop and say "Oh! I just realized that you're black!"

In their defense I'm quite light skinned. People usually call me "mocha" or "cappuccino" or some other coffee flavor. I also don't act like the stereotypical black person; I'm kind of a grammar nazi and I don't do baggy clothes. Again, outsider.

Every now and then though, I wonder what it would be like to fit in, and be a normal guy... then I remember how perfect I am and make out with myself in the mirror. ;D

Terrence

So I had a pretty good weekend, and a pretty good day today as well. I'll overview.

So Friday, we had a party in honor of my friend Terrence. There wasn't any special reason we were having a party for him, we just kind of felt like it. So we decided that we were all going to dress like him (we all wore sweater vests and glasses) and we all wore Yale stickers (because he got accepted to Yale, because he's a smart mother fucker.) We never ever get to hang out with Terrence on the weekends because he's busy saving the world ("Guys I can't come to the party I'm feeding the homeless today."), however he promised us he'd be at this party.

Of course, he didn't show up. It got to be around 11 at night, and we were tired of waiting and he wasn't answering his phone. So we drove to his neighborhood and looked around trying to find his house. Eventually we found his car and rang his doorbell. His mother called us h00dr4ts. Whateva.

On Saturday I went to an award show for that art competition I submitted to. I ended up winning gold on my portfolio, which is good because it puts me into the running for a scholarship. I was supposed to go to a party with my friend whose parents were out, but she canceled her party. Lame.

Sunday, I slept (almost)literally all day.

Today, was good, in that school was easy and it was just a nice normal day. Then I got home and in the mail I got two letters. One was from the UCF honors college saying that I'd been accepted. I didn't really care but it made my mom happy. Then I got a letter, stating I was a finalist in the National Achievement Scholarship, which means I get money from schools :D (Of course, Terrence also got this Scholarship). So, things turned out pretty well the past few days. Hopefully tomorrow works out too. :D

I'm Back

So, I got back from my college visit yesterday. It was okay. Here's a picture of Isabella and I jumping on the bed of our hotel:


So we started out with my parents, Isabella and I taking a three(?) hour drive to Cocoa Beach, where we stayed with some friends of ours. It was a pretty nice place, but there wasn't much to do. We stayed there from Friday night to Sunday night, and then we drove five or six hours to Tallahassee to look at Florida State University (which is where we're going to college). The campus is really old and nice, it kind of reminds me of boarding school. I also got to see my friend Carla:

(red hair [no she does not always look like Raggedy Anne, this is a new development])

And then we drove five hours down to Orlando to look at the University of Central Florida, which was nice, but I'm not interested in attending. I think my parents want me to go there because it's closer to home (3 hours v.s. 9 hours) but whatever. Then we drove the three hours home.

While I liked seeing the campuses and all, the trip was kind of not fun for me. Mostly, it was Isabella. She was on her period the whole trip, and while she's not a cunty bitch, she just gets kind of antisocial. She was getting texts from James and Jon the whole time she was up here. I didn't really get any texts. It kind of made me feel a little out of sorts.

I had a conversation with Dzyan about it. Basically all of my friends this year, are Isabella and Jon's friends. And for the past while I've felt like Jon is sort of taking my place as a person. I mean it used to be that I was the smart, articulate, cultured one in my circle of friends. But Jon's smarter than me, and is about as articulate and cultured as I am, so now that I'm in his circle of friends I'm kind of lost. I don't even have the gay thing going for me (he's gotten progressively gayer the longer I've known him). He's even started dressing better. I know it's childish, but I sort of feel like he's taking my identity. Another thing, perhaps the most important thing is that I can feel Isabella drifting away from me and closer to him. I guess I get envious, because there are things he can do for her that I can't. He can be caring and sentimental and sweet and I just can't be those things for her. I'm really hoping the situation will work itself out somehow, but for now I'm just going to have to keep quiet. Since, it's definitely something that's all in my head. I don't want to start up drama for no reason.

Anyway, I've taken this Proust Questionnaire so that my readers can get to know me, and I figure if they want to take the time they can comment back with their own answers and then I could get to know them better.

That's all for now.



What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Lots of fame, money and clothes.

What is your greatest fear?
Death.
Or cockroaches/deep sea creatures.


Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Andy Warhol.


Which living person do you most admire?
Vivienne Westwood.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Greed. My inability to feel major emotions.


What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Morals.

What is your greatest extravagance?
My personality. That, or clothes.

On what occasion do you lie?
I almost never say something false with the intention of making someone believe that it's true.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?
I'm not sure. I guess I'm just resigned to the fact that I'm not the most attractive person alive.

When and where were you happiest?
Probably Europe in 2008.

If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?
Probably my physical appearance. Or I would make myself be able to say "I love you."

If you could change one thing about your family what would it be?
A few things.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
When I make people laugh.

If you died and came back as a person or thing what do you think it would be?
Probably a socialite.

What is your most treasured possession?
Myself.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Being poor, lonely, and anonymous.

Who are your heroes in real life?

Girls who burp out loud.


What is it that you most dislike?
Social conventions that make people uncomfortable.


How would you like to die?

Never ever.

What is your motto?
It doesn't matter what you do because you die anyway.

"Vacation"

So my parents have forced me to go look at colleges. I already know what college I'm going to, so I don't really see this trip as necessary, but my mom started saying something about "our last family trip together before I go off to college," so I just said whatever. At least I got to bring Isabella along.

Anyway, any ability to go online and update is limited. I do have some stuff to talk about when I get back. As Octavius has said, it's my blog to bitch away on, so bitch I shall ;D

Anyway, I guess I'll update later.

Mood Swings

Sorry I haven't updated in a few days. My internet went out, and I just got it back yesterday. Pretty much my weekend was the usual, I hung out with my friends, we mostly stayed in and played Rock Band.

Unfortunately, Jon's been getting on my nerves more and more. He's really moody, and it's just annoying have to work around his moods every weekend. I kind of think it's just me being me, but even he acknowledges that he's been "Queen of Mood Swings."

Isabella is constantly reminding me that Jon and I are similar, which I don't like. I mean, I know we share a lot of traits, but I'd like to think I'm a more positive, less moody person. Hopefully.

One of the things I like most about my blog is that none of my friends know about it, so I can talk freely without being pressured not to hurt anyone's feelings.

Whatever, anyway, tomorrow I get out of school early for a field trip. That art contest I submitted to last week is doing a showing of all the pieces so I might be able to see if I won anything. Here's hoping. A few of my friends submitted too, and I really hope that they won. I won something last year and it's really uplifting to have your work recognized and appreciated.

Well, I guess that's it for now. Perhaps I'll have something real to say tomorrow, instead of bitching.

Oh, P.S., the new Owen Pallett album came out last week. If you haven't heard it, look it up, it's really good I promise.

Also

Also, I figured I'd give a description of my friends, so that when I talk about them anyone reading this isn't totally lost. Okay, here goes:


Isabella (Wrinkles): I've known her since I was 11, so about seven years. We weren't really good friends until freshman year. She was a really big mess back then, and so I sort of told her that I was going to fix her, and now she's stylish and beautiful. And almost a real person. I call her Wrinkles just because I thought the name was cute. Anyway, she's really thin and she has long brown hair. She's Brazilian and she speaks Portuguese, Spanish and English. She says silly things a lot of the time and she's often the butt of every joke. I also have this really creepy ability to know exactly what she's thinking before she even thinks it. I guess you could say she's my best friend.

Carla: Carla's a really strong minded girl, who I became friends with my Freshman year. We often think and say the exact same things (we call each other brain twins, I know it's stupid. It's from a book, don't judge). Anyway, she's at college now, which I think is for the best because she and I were getting into a lot of fights over the summer. I think it's because we both try and push each other to be people we're not.

Kelsey: I also met her in my Freshman year. She's really ridiculous and dresses really strangely, but she's a lot of fun. Well, most of the time. She's got severe anxiety/stress issues and is bipolar so sometimes she's not that fun to be around.

Melisse: She's a really funny girl and she has a bushy head of blonde curls. She has a problem with saying things before she thinks about it, which usually lends itself to hilarious results.

Jon: Jon is Isabella's boyfriend. We play this game though where we tell people that I'm Jon's boyfriend, or that he, Isabella and I are all dating, (people still aren't sure if it's true or not). He also kisses me sometimes (not behind Isabella's back or anything, we're always polite enough to do it in front of her ;D). It's kind of weird, but I guess it's nice to at least have a guy pretend that he's into me.

Terrence: Terrence is really fun. He and I often quote ghetto black girls together. He's a really genuinely nice person, and is probably the antithesis of me (I'm heartless and evil). Everyone thinks that he's gay except for him. People also say that he has a crush on me, but he thinks he's straight. He's kind of the most flamboyant guy I've ever met though. Ever. I think he's just hiding his real feelings because he's a strict Baptist. (He was convinced that sexuality is a choice until I convinced him otherwise).

James: James is the most kind hearted person I've ever met in the whole world. He's really generous and giving. And he's rich. :)

Adam: The most awkward person ever.

That was a lot more than I planned on writing. But hopefully you guys will have an idea of who I'm talking about when I say these names now.

Why Me?

For whatever reason I don't seem to be able to comment on anyone's profile, not even my own. I was going to respond to the comments on my last post but whenever I post a comment it just doesn't show up. Is there a way to fix this problem that anyone knows of? Well, if not I just want to say thanks for the comments on my last post, they're really motivating.

So this week was the start of mid-terms. I actually like mid-terms week, because it means we get out of school at 11:40 instead of 2:40 and it also means that I don't have to go to school on Friday because I'm a boss and I exempted both of the finals that I had that day.

Unfortunately, today was a stressful day because my Art and Photo teachers sprung horrible news on me. So, today when I finished my Photography final I went up to my teacher and she told me that the portfolio I planned on submitting to an art competition wouldn't qualify. The problem was that the work I had was technically mixed media (which means I used a bunch of different things like ink, paint, cutouts, pencil, etc. to make my composition). However, the pieces were in a journal, and to submit them I would have to cut them out of the journal, or submit the whole journal, neither of which I wanted to do. So my teacher and I had planned on scanning them and then printing the scans. The problem with this is that when I scan them they no longer become mixed media and instead they become a print. I couldn't really cut out my compositions because they were back to back, which means that some of them would be covered up/lost if I did so. My art teacher suggested I make a mobile (have them hang from the ceiling and submit it as a 3-D sculpture), but I hated that idea. If I presented it as a mobile, it means that I would have to submit it as a single piece rather than a portfolio. In the competition only portfolio's can make an applicant eligible for scholarships, and I want a scholarship.

Because of this I had to go home and make the executive decision to cut out the compositions, and use the ones I could, even though it meant that I would lose some of my pieces. Then I had to come up with two new pieces. So I got home at 12:30 and worked like crazy to get two new pieces done before 4:00 when my photo teacher said I had to have them into her by. I got there at 4:00 but she was gone. Luckily, my art teacher was there, and she told me I could just bring them in tomorrow. Kill me. (Here's an example of one of the pieces I made, so you can kind of get an idea of what I'm talking about.)

In better news, the new Vampire Weekend album came out yesterday. It's really good, although it did take some time to get used to because it's a bit different from their last album. Another thing I really like about them is that in addition to being really good musically, they're really stylish.




Definite style influences. One of these days, I'll stop being lazy and I'll start taking pictures of my own outfits and this can be a real style blog. One of these days...